Thanks for Pointing Out How Quiet I Am, I Really Didn’t Know.

Thank you to all the people who ever pointed out that I am quiet because I really couldn’t have figured that out on my own.  Okay…that sounds kind of rude, but it really is surprising how often people have called this to my attention.  It used to really break me down when someone reminded me that I’m quiet, shy or an introvert.  It made me feel weird or abnormal.  It’s really only since I’ve had children that I’ve realized there is no such thing as “normal” and being “weird” also makes you interesting.   I’ve also realized that most people don’t mean to be rude; they are just trying to fill the silence.

For as long as I can remember my usual tendencies to be quiet and reserved are speckled with the occasional desire to be an extrovert, in an extreme center of attention kind of way.  During these times I enjoy socialize and going out in crowds.  Usually, these moods strike when I’m inspired by something or I need to prove a point to myself.  I’ll make plans and schedule meetings.  Sometimes I even call someone instead of texting (Gasp!).  Once in a while, I’ll randomly introduce myself to someone or talk to a stranger.   A similar occasional urge to do something extroverted was described in a great piece by Vincent Mars, The Benefits of Being an Introvert.

The extroverted mood can last a few hours or a few weeks.  Without fail, it comes to a crashing end and I withdraw.  Accordingly, I avoid human contact (other than my family, who I can’t avoid) for a few days.  I’m lucky enough to have a job that allows me to communicate almost entirely by email.  I can go days or weeks at a time without having to talk to anyone.  When I’m not talking, my brain is actively thinking, daydreaming, analyzing, and calculating.

I am writing this piece because my daughters’ teachers have been telling me how “quiet” they are all the time.  While I know being quiet is not a bad thing, it is still considered a “concern” for some.  I try to teach my kids to ignore labels and not to feel pressure to change who they are.  Striving to go against your natural personality is exhausting and takes away from your natural gifts.  Instead of resisting who you are, find your strengths.  I tell them “the next time someone calls you quiet, say ‘Thank you, I was just thinking’, and I will do the same.”

If you found this interesting, please comment, share or like.  Thanks!

~Strictly Unstructured




40 thoughts on “Thanks for Pointing Out How Quiet I Am, I Really Didn’t Know.

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  1. Sooooo good, so true! Have you read / heard of “Quiet…” by Susan Cain? I also like “The Introverts Way”.
    My favorite remark made by a salesperson : “You’re quite a soft-spoken person.” At least she used a creative adjective. ☺

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I often was called out as being quiet in class. Throughout middle school and well into my teens, I thought there was something wrong with me – Until I discovered I was an introvert. It was a liberating discovery!! Also, like you described in your post, I too go through my “extroverted” moments. I consider myself an outgoing introvert – I love people & enjoying socializing, but I know my limit and appreciate my space. Good thing your daughters have you around to show them that being introverted or “quiet” is more than ok 🙂

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  3. What an interesting blog! Discovered as a result of your recent decision to follow Learning from Dogs. Thank you! And give your four dogs a cuddle from all at this end – we are down to seven dogs.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you! I love your blog Learning from Dogs. I love just watching my dogs’ behavior and I agree we can learn from them. I plan to include them in my blog soon. Thanks again for stopping by my blog!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. My husband and daughter are quiet. I am a bit more chatty as well as my other younger daughter. Thanks for this post I guess we can be annoying by pointing out the obvious. For me, being 5 feet 0 inches, is annoying when people state how short I am…. like duh! 😝

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Another great post. I’ve long come out of my shell, but I could still be very quiet. I love quiet people. I think they’re mysterious and interesting. As a kid I was bullied for being “too quiet.” It’s a shame how people’s true personalities can really bother others.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you 😊 I’m finally at a point where I can accept that I’ll never be an extrovert, but it bothers me when I see quiet people being misjudged as “stuck up” or “rude.” I’m glad you can relate!


  6. Hi Rebecca:
    Thank you for this post and thank you for the follow. Years ago I took a personality test and found I was a TNFJ type. Like you I love the solitude of life but occasionally will jump into the fast pace around me. My father was a great one for striking up a conversation with a total stranger. Something I have learned as well and it often is a blessing as it allows both parties to share. But like you I will duck back into my introvert world. It is here that the creativity can actually begin to work.
    Great post and I love your openness and willingness to share… well written…

    Hugs from Canada

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Rolly. I’m glad you can relate to this post. I’ve always been fascinated by people who can just strike up a conversation with a stranger. I try sometimes, but the conversation usually stalls out in the first few minutes. I’ll keep trying though. I’ve also finally learned to be okay with just staying quiet. Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting 🙂


      1. Hi Rebecca:
        Smiles to your comment and yes I agree with you some conversations can go flat. I usually get around that by picking up on something the other person has brought up and just asking if they can share. My dad was a master at the art… I smile at seeing him with total strangers.
        I agree that staying quiet is just fine but there are those times we need people… If you like I have another site I have been doing a great deal of blogging on http”//
        If you find it interesting please join and an email will be sent when I post…

        Quiet Hugs … smiles.. Rolly

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi Rebecca…

    Quiet perfect in the world we live in. When we look around all we hear is noise which makes our heads spin. I totally understand the desire to stay quiet. I love the way you have put this together…

    Shhhh to us introverts


    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi Rebecca,
    I couldn’t ignore but think about the labels these people gives. I mean we’re quite for our own sake, why they are bothered by this I still haven’t solved this mystery yet :p Rebecca I have developed stutter from very early age, and I still have. But now I guess I’ve overcome from the fear of being judged and all. What I feel is how some people think that I’ve fear of speaking when I’m out their being quite on my own, they think that I’ve attitude problem or something. But college changed me a lot. I can converse with a total stranger or go quite for straight two days or more. It’s just your post made me overwhelmed you know. Thanks for bringing this up 🙂 CHEERS.
    ~Decaf Anxiety

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi, thank you for your comment. I think quiet makes many people uncomfortable. I have developed a tendency to try to avoid silent pauses in conversations because I know it makes others uncomfortable. I agree that we care less what people think as we gain experience, but it’s hard to see quiet children being misjudged. Pointing out how quiet someone is almost never necessary or helpful. Thanks again for stopping by 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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